Homers On The Range

I was gonna come on here and write a long praise of yesterday’s Cowboys game, but why should I do the work when ESPN’s Matt Mosley has already done it for me. That saved me a lot of time. Now…where are those leftovers?

Apparently, Terence Newman’s body is as fragile as a faberge egg. Somebody needs to lock him away in a padded room and only bring him out on game days. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if he missed two more games because of this.

The Morning News is reporting that Felix Jones’ rookie season has officially come to an end. The running back was placed on injured reserve and will have surgery on a torn ligament in his toe. Jones injured said toe while rehabbing a torn hamstring that he suffered in the loss to the Arizona Cardinals.

Combine this with the news that Miles Austin is also out for two to four weeks with a knee injury and you can pretty much turn out the lights on the Cowboys’ kick return game. This team just can’t seem to keep all of its game-breakers healthy at the same time.

And you should, too. Regardless of what you think about his choice in women, his vacationing habits or his on-the-field play, the man has a heart as big as Texas. His latest good deed has been chronicled on The Dallas Morning News Cowboys blog.

When the team needed a gut check to save the season, they actually came through. The offensive line played great, the defense stood tough (especially Terence Newman) and Marion Barber was in rare form. However, there were still way too many stupid penalties, turnovers and shoddy special teams play all night.

But I’ll still take the win.

Whew!!!! I’m gonna go pass out now.

By now, I’m sure you’re all well-versed in just how injury plagued the Cowboys have been thus far this year. To make things worse, Jason Witten (broken rib) and Anthony Henry (thigh bruise) got hurt against the Bucs last Sunday. Witten has already stated several times this week that he’s going to do everything in his power to play this Sunday against the Giants.

Which brings me to my open question for the week: Should the Cowboys just say “Eff it” and treat this Sunday’s game with the Giants like a preseason game? Meaning, should they concede the fact that it’s going to be a loss and not play anybody of importance?

My answer is YES for several reasons.

1. There is absolutely no way in hell that the Cowboys win this game. Let me repeat that. There is absolutely, 100 percent, guaranteed, sure-fire bet, honest-to-God no freaking way the Cowboys can win this game. None. At all. It’s in New York. Brad Johnson is still our starting quarterback. Have you seen him play the last two games? If you can honestly answer that question, then you know that this adds up to a loss. Period.

2. So, if it’s a gonna be a loss no matter what, then why even bother risking more injuries to significant players. Why have Witten hurry back and risk further injuring his already broken rib when you already know that it won’t affect the outcome? Let the players use this time to get healthy, and let the healthy players use this time to stay that way. The week after the Giants game is a bye. That provides your team with a lot of time to get back on track and ready to beat the living dog shit out of the Redskins on Nov. 16. A big victory against Washington might be just what this thing needs to get back on track again.

3. And most importantly, because it would make the media’s head explode. The grandstanding and lecturing from the talking heads would be heard from coast to coast. “You gotta win to play the game,” “You owe it to the fans to give it your best shot,” “It’s a disgrace to the game,” blah, blah, blah. Rolling out the practice squanders against the Giants would be a giant slap in the face to the media and the rest of the league. It reinforces the message that the Cowboys do what’s best for them and their fans. The rest of you can suck it. And they don’t owe it to the fans to play hard in this one game. They owe it to us to do whatever it takes to ensure that this thing is in a good position at the end of the year. Imagine all the red faces, puffed out chests and disheveled hair on the pundits as they spew their generic hot air at the audacity of the Dallas Cowboys to think they’re above the game. Well I hate to break it to the rest you, but they are. So deal with it.

Now, it’s your turn. Tell me whether you agree or disagree and why. Anything generic and ESPN-like will be mocked relentlessly. You’ve been forewarned.

Just when you thought all hope was lost, Romo the Jedi Knight comes through at the last minute.

In all seriousness though, I actually wouldn’t mind if he sat out this Sunday’s game against the hapless Rams in order to give that pinkie an extra week to heal up. But, hey, I’m not gonna complain when my quarterback sacks up and displays this kind of toughness. The Force is strong with this one.

I know a lot of Cowboy fans will see that they just gave up their first-, third- and sixth-round picks in the 2009 draft and think the team bet the whole farm on Roy Williams. It doesn’t help that we all lived through the two first-round picks for Joey Galloway disaster in 2000.

However, there is no need to have that same sense of worry with this trade. The Cowboys were absolutely stocked to the brim with 2009 draft choices due to the various trades and draft day moves they’ve made in the past few years.

Here is a rundown of the nine (yes, I just said NINE) picks that the Cowboys will still have in the 2009 draft:

• Second, fourth, fifth and seventh round, plus:
• Third round from Cleveland for a fourth-rounder in 2008
• Fourth round from Detroit for third-rounder in 2008
• Fifth round back from Tennessee for Pacman Jones getting suspended
• Sixth round from Miami for nose tackle Jason Ferguson
• Seventh round from Detroit in Roy Williams trade

If the Cowboys can manage to salvage their season, then the first round pick they gave up would have been a late first-round pick anyway. And we already have third and sixth round picks to replace the ones we sent to Detroit.

So basically, Roy Williams is our first round pick next year, only we get him half a year early and we already know that he’s a complete stud. I’d say the Cowboys made out like bandits on this one. Now we’ll just have to see if Brad Johnson can get him the ball.

The Cowboys have apparently agreed to a deal to bring Detroit Lions wide receiver Roy Williams to Dallas in exchange for multiple draft picks. Just what type of draft picks has not been disclosed yet, but from the reports I’ve read so far, I don’t think they gave up a first rounder.

I think the Cowboys need to go out and hire the University of North Carolina’s head basketball coach as a team consultant just to complete the trifecta.

**UPDATE** The Cowboys gave up a first-, third- and sixth-rounder in next year’s draft for Detroit’s Roy Williams.

The shit storm following the Dallas Cowboys keeps on raining down stank-filled buckets of poo. However, the latest casuality for the ‘Boys doesn’t come in the form of an injury. It comes in the form of a suspension handed down from commissioner Roger Godell. Adam “Pacman” Jones has been served with at least a four game suspension for his role in an altercation at a downtown Dallas hotel last week.

This is a huge blow to the Cowboys defense. It can be argued that Pacman was the only member of the Cowboys’ secondary who has played worth a damn all year. Now he’ll replaced in the starting lineup by rookie Mike Jenkins. Add this on top of all the injury problems the secondary has had (Terence Newman, Roy Williams, Patrick Watkins), and it might be lights out for the Cowboys. You thought receivers were running wide open already this season? Just imagine what we’re gonna see now.

Just in case you’ve been in a cave the last few days, I’ll run down the list of significant contributers who the Cowboys have lost recently (most of them since Sunday):

• Tony Romo - QB: out at least a month (three games) with a broken pinkie
• Terence Newman - CB: out 6 to 8 weeks with a sports hernia
• Felix Jones - RB: out 2 to 4 weeks with a partially torn hamstring
• Mat McBriar - P: out for the season with a broken foot
• Sam Hurd - WR: out for the season with a bad ankle
• Anthony Spencer - LB: out at least 2 to 4 weeks with a hamstring problem
• Pacman Jones - CB: out at least four games due to league-mandated suspension
• Roy Williams - SS: week to week with a broken forearm
• Patrick Watkins - SS: week to week with a neck stinger

Romo out four weeks with a broken pinkie on his throwing hand.

Football season is dead to me.

Dear 2008 Dallas Cowboys,

I hate you.* Sweet God, you have no idea how much I hate you.

I hate your complete lack of a sense of urgency. I hate how you refuse to get the ball to your two most explosive offensive weapons: Terrell Owens and Felix Jones. I hate your inability to cover the opposing teams’ scrub receivers. I hate your offensive line’s refusal to hold a block for longer than 1.5 seconds. I hate your quarterback’s new desire to stand flat-footed in the pocket like Tom Brady when it’s been his mobility and sense of awareness that made him great to begin with. Now he get lambasted 10 times a game, losing the football on half of those hits. I hate your dimwit coach and the constant excuses he makes for your poor play. I hate your felon cornerback and his knack for bitchslapping bodyguards. I hate you, (hopefully soon-to-be former) special teams coach Bruce Read.

I hate how you had us all convinced that you were finally a legitimate contender this year. You certainly pulled the wool over our eyes. You are definitely NOT a Super Bowl contender. Hell, you probably won’t even make the playoffs. Don’t look now, but your December schedule is staring you down from the woods like a Georgia hillbilly eyeballing Ned Beatty. At Pittsburgh, New York at home, Baltimore at home, at Philadelphia. What’s the best we can hope for in those games? 1-3, maybe?

But most of all, I hate you for continuing the tradition of overly-hyped, yet woefully underachieving Dallas sports teams. You and the Mavericks have set new standards for teams who buy into their own press and think everything is just going to be handed to you. You have no heart. You have no swagger. You’re all lipstick, blush and perfume, not blood, sweat and tears.

* My opinions are subject to change on a weekly basis.