Homers On The Range

Cowboys = sucky. That point is indisputable. While flipping channels last night, I came across the classic movie Major League and found some unsettling yet optimistic comparisons that are dying to be made which I’ve outlined below.

1.  Rick Vaughn (Wild Thing) vs. Tony Romo - Both are gunslingers by trade with uncanny ability and incredible competitive spirit. Both banged (or are banging in Romo’s case) chicks that they shouldn’t have, but were/are too hot not to. Their teams are not near as good without them in the lineup.

2.  Manager Lou Brown vs. Coach Wade Phillips – Lou Brown worked at a tire shop before being called up to run the Indians in hopes of losing all their games. Wade Phillips should be working in a tire shop because he is losing all their games.

3.  Willie Mayes Hayes vs. T.O. -  Both are self-hyped, flashy, outspoken gamechangers with unmatched speed. (Both my favorite characters on their respective teams)

4.  Rachel Phelps vs. Jerry Jones – Both are loud and obnoxious at times and seem to have more to do with the demise of their teams than the success of them. Your guess is as good as mine to who’s had more plastic surgery. Maybe Wade should use a naked picture of Jerry to motivate his team like Lou Brown did with Rachel Phelps.

5.  Jake Taylor vs. Zach Thomas – Both are old and playing beyond their ability and age. I can actually see Zach Thomas playing in Mexico if things didn’t work out in the NFL because of his love for the game.

6.  Roger Dorn vs. Brad Johnson – I know it was in the sequel to the movie, but the only thing these two guys are good for is getting hit in the back and subsequently taken out of the game.

7.  Pedro Cerrano vs. Marion Barber – Both are intimidating figures to the other team until their respective weaknesses are exposed. Pedro’s was the curveball. Barber’s is his offensive line. 

8.  Cleveland Indians vs. Dallas Cowboys – The Indians had no expectations of winning and ended up being a contender while using the worse team on paper to overachieve and provide their fans a happy ending. The Cowboys were expected to win the Super Bowl using the best team on paper, but are underachieving to provide their fans a reason for suicide.