Guess who’s got a tryout with the Big Tuna and the Fins? Can anyone believe this? And if you can believe this, are you smokin’ something? Wasn’t this guy just bailed outta jail, eating cheetos on his couch in a dilapadated crack house?
From Smokin’ A Bowl To The Orange Bowl…
July 31, 2008Gruesome Bus Ride
July 31, 2008I would not want to be an employee in the public relations office at Greyhound (whose headquarters are in Dallas) today. What’s this world coming to?
The Rich Get Richer…..Sort Of
July 31, 2008This is how you know something is wrong with the markets in this country. Today, Exxon Mobil announced that their second quarter profit amounted to $11.68 billion, the largest quarterly profit ever recorded. However, the value of their stock went down because it didn’t meet analysts’ expectations.
So let me get this straight: most profitable company of all time = drop in total value of the company. Who are these f’ing analysts and why do their “expectations” get to determine so much? Especially when the outcomes completely defy common sense. Do they just sit in a room and arbitrarily get to decide what various companies have to earn to make them a solid investment for the public? And why do they get to determine how much profit is enough? Isn’t even a small profit a good thing?
My head hurts. I’m gonna go lay down now.
Material Girl Caught Playing With Rod…
July 22, 2008It was bound to “come out” that there’s now a sex tape between Alex Rodriguez and Madonna…
Cardinals To Cowboys Fans: You’re Not Welcome Here
July 22, 2008Just in case you needed any further proof of what a joke the Arizona Cardinals are as a franchise, read this story about how they are having to institute a ticket buying scam in order to try and keep Cowboys fans out of their stadium.
Phoenix should just rename itself Dallas West. The best examples were back in the ’90s when the Cardinals were still in the NFC East. Each year, the Cowboys-Cardinals match up at Sun Devil Stadium could be considered a ninth home game for Dallas. The stadium was nothing but a sea of blue and silver. And really can you blame them? It’s the Cardinals for God’s sake.
Yo Joe!
July 21, 2008
I heard the gossip a while back and it’s beginning to gain more and more momentum. Yes, it is true…what the majority of 30-40 something year olds remember as their favorite action figures is being cast as a full length motion picture. This could either be really great or really crappy. Here what the manufacturer of the toy line Hasbro has to say about the making of G.I. Joe…
Shockey Traded To New Orleans
July 21, 2008Somewhere, Roy Williams is thanking the sweet baby Jesus right now.
Good Plan for Parents…
July 18, 2008| Afternoon | Delight | |
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Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city. They decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie, with their ten-year-old son around, was to get him to report on neighborhood activities from the balcony. They thought that spying would happily distract him for an hour or so.The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. Then, “An ambulance just drove by.” A few more moments passed and he called, “Looks like the Andersons have company.” And then, “Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are screwing.” Mom and dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” the startled father asked. “Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied. |
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Batman: The Dark Knight
July 18, 2008So, is anyone else out there about to freaking burst from excitement due to the arrival of the new Batman movie. The Dark Knight has already opened to rave reviews and tickets are sold out from coast to coast.
What gets my nerd pants in the biggest frenzy is the fact that someone finally made a Batman movie that shows the truly dark and twisted nature of crime-fighting in Gotham City. For years, Batman has been type-cast as a corny superhero in tights who squares off against zany villains who throw out quirky one-liners.
However, the real ethos of Batman is anything but light-hearted. Batman is a product of murder. Young Bruce Wayne watched as his parents were gunned down. He uses the symbol of the bat not as a bit, but because it strikes terror into the heart of criminals. I always thought Batman movies should border on being considered in the horror genre. Batman should be a scary figure and his enemies should make you wet your pants. I think Heath Ledger’s portrayal as the Joker has finally driven this point home. Can you imagine anything more terrifying than a homicidal maniac in devilish clown make-up coming after you? The Joker isn’t a prankster, like previous movies have tried to convey. He’s the equivalent of Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer with a disgusting grin painted on his face. He’s what nightmares are made of.
My only regret for this movie is that it’s not rated “R.” If it were, it could really get into the nitty-gritty of what life in Gotham City would be like. But even though it’s not rated “R,” The Dark Knight is still geared for an adult audience. I’m hoping to go see it tomorrow with my brother, and if I make it, you can expect a full review shortly thereafter.
Less Pain At The Pump? I Doubt It
July 16, 2008So the price of oil has fallen $11 per barrel in the last two days. Has anyone else ever noticed that when the price of oil goes up even a couple of bucks that the price of gas jumps up dramatically within a day or so? However, when the price tumbles, the price of gas doesn’t really move at all. If oil jumped up $11 in two days, I guarantee we’d see at least a $0.20 to $0.25 jump in gas prices overnight.
It’s just further proof that “true market forces” are really at play in the commodities market. Excuse me while I go wrangle in a couple of the pigs that keep flying by my office window.
UPDATE: Oil is now down more than $14 over the last three days. I still haven’t seen a single gas station with lower prices.
Josh Hamilton Hit How Many Home Runs???
July 15, 2008If you missed my post on Josh Hamilton last week, then I guess I can’t say I told you so. But, I will anyway. Josh Hamilton is one of the greatest story in the history of baseball - and he’s only been playing in the majors for two or three years. We all know his story by now, but do we really? With Jerrod and Steve’s posts a while back regarding God in professional sports, I hope that people can see the difference with Josh Hamilton.
He does not boast about his abilities, he is humble and always polite to media, kids and fellow players, and he remembers what it was like to be nobody. Now that he’s somebody, and a BIG somebody, he hasn’t forgotten what - or should I say WHO - has been faithful to him. His first comment last night after the crazy first round where he shattered every home run derby record possible by hitting 28 home runs was, “It’s amazing to me what God has done in my life, and how quickly he has done it.”
It seems to me that when other talk about God, it’s just the PC thing to do, and it’s not sincere. But, when you hear Josh talk about God, it seems personal, genuine, and heartfelt. There’s a parable in Matthew about a man who has a small debt forgiven and how he’s thankful - sort of. But, there’s another man who has a huge debt forgiven and he is beside himself with joy and appreciation. I think Josh Hamilton knows what a huge debt was forgiven, and I think he knows who forgave it. And when he talks about God, and his personal relationship with Him, people listen.
If our ultimate purpose in life is to bring glory to God, then I think Josh Hamilton is doing just that. And it took him going through the hell of drugs, addiction, loneliness, and despair to get there. But God was with him the whole time. And Josh knows it. Josh Hamilton is a beast, maybe even our modern day Sampson. And what he’s been through, and how he’s been able to work hard and get back into the spotlight is a testament to his character and work ethic. And it makes us all root for him that much harder.
Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?
July 14, 2008This news makes me feel like I’ve been stabbed in the soul. Last week muslim terrorists bought the Chrysler Building in New York City, and now Anheuser-Busch belongs to the Euros. I guess in the Land of Opportunity profit will always take precedence over tradition. Hey, I bet we could turn a nice profit by selling the Statue of Liberty to the Canadians. Maybe the Russians would like to purchase the Golden Gate Bridge. Or how about we sell Ground Zero to China?
Too soon? I thought so, too.
Friday Fun: Legal Defense
July 11, 2008If you’re gonna fake an illness in court, it should probably be one where you actually portray the symptoms. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone hasn’t actually had a heart attack.
Josh Hamilton = Baseball Jesus
July 10, 2008
I can’t stop watching this clip of Josh Hamilton belting the walk-off home run in the Rangers game against the Angels last night. Much like our own baseball (read: softball) home run jackhammer, Josh Puckett, who not only hit a 2 run shot to tie the game in the bottom of the last inning on Monday night, he also hit a 3 run shot to win it in the second extra inning, these guys are good.
I mean really, really, really good. I have to admit, watching that video, hearing the crack of Hamilton’s bat, seeing the ball float over the right field wall, seeing the dejected Angels players walk off the field and hearing the music from The Natural playing gives me goosebumps. I. Can’t. Stop. Watching. It.
What’s The Best Part Of The Fourth of July?
July 4, 2008The fireworks? The barbeques? Hanging out with friends? Nope.
It’s the annual Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. This year’s contest was especially awesome. Joey Chestnut, the Californian who shocked the world last year by dethroning six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi, took home the Mustard Belt once again. Chestnut and Kobayashi each downed 59 hot dogs in the regulation 10 minute contest. A five hot dog sudden death was called for and Chestnut blew Kobayashi out of the water.
Everyone makes fun of me because I love this contest and competitive eating in general. I look forward to it every year, and while the sight of people wolfing down dozens of frankfurters should disgust me, it usually just makes me hungry.
Friday Fun Part Deux: Ring The Bell
July 4, 2008It just wouldn’t be right to not post a little holiday hilarity…
Friday Funnies…
July 4, 2008God Bless American soldiers…
This does not take place of Steve’s regular “Friday Fun”…
An American soldier serving in World War II had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma`am, may I sit in that seat?” The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can`t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I`m very tired.”
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”
The soldier didn`t say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you`ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”
Posted by Jerrod
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