Homers On The Range

At the time, January 6, 2007 was one of the worst days I had ever experienced as a sports fan. I sat in the corner booth at the Fox and the Hound in Richardson staring at the stunned faces of my brother and sister. In a matter of seconds we had gone from tingling with anticipation about our first playoff win in 10 years and the upcoming game with the Bears to being completely numb.

The Cowboys had just driven the length of the field to attempt a game winning field goal against the Seattle Seahawks when the fates decided to align against them. On the play prior to the field goal attempt, Jason Witten’s first down catch at the two yard line was reviewed and spotted a half inch back, making it fourth down and goal. (Which is another example of the refs screwing the Cowboys. How do you review a play and move the ball back by a mere inch. There’s no way to see that, but I digress). Gramatica lined up for the chip shot, the snap was perfect and the kick was awa……wait a minute, Romo bobbled the snap! He’s running towards the end zone! He’s gonna make it! Why didn’t Gramatica get in front of Jordan Babineaux?!? Oh my God, he’s got Romo by the ankles! He’s not going to make it! And just like that the season was over.

I felt my stomach clench and my teeth start to grind. I wanted to punch something, someone. I wanted to cry. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. As exhilarating as it is to watch your team win the Super Bowl (or three Super Bowls in a Cowboys fan’s case), this was the exact opposite. I didn’t think I was ever going to get over it.

But this past weekend opened my eyes to what blessings that game and Romo’s botched hold really were. I heard over and over this past weekend about how much credit Bill Parcells should be given for the success of this year’s Cowboys squad. How he put all the pieces in place and how he forged these guys into what they are today. The pundits have basically claimed that Wade has done nothing but pull a Barry Switzer, which is to say he came in and succeeded after someone else did all the work for him.

Well, I’m here to call bullshit on all of these people. Bill Parcells was an atrocious football coach. Not good. Not mediocre. Not bad. He was ATROCIOUS. He loved to try to play 1960’s, three-yards and a cloud of dust football. All he harped on was running the ball and playing defense. How many times did we watch the Cowboys get a three point lead half way through the third quarter and see Parcells call off the dogs and try to “protect the lead” for the rest of the game? He had no killer instinct and no respect for anybody that wasn’t a “Parcells’ guy”. And what was worse, it became overly apparent that if he couldn’t win the game in the manner he wanted, then he didn’t care if he won at all.

Which brings me back to Jan. 6, 2007. Had Romo handled that snap and the Cowboys had won that game there’s no question that Parcells would still be the coach of this team. There would be no Jason Garrett and his fresh, innovative approach to offense. There would be no Wade Phillips and Brian Stewart with their aggressive, attacking 3-4 defensive scheme. There would be no Terrell Owens having the best year of his career. There would be no smiles on the faces of the players who are obviously having fun doing their jobs this season. And, most importantly, there sure as hell wouldn’t be an 8-1 record.

When the Cowboys have needed to stomp on opponents’ throats this year, they have. In the season opener, when the Cowboys had let the Giants climb back to within three late in the fourth quarter, Parcells would have continued to run the ball, punt and try to stop the Giants from scoring, no matter how poorly the defense had played earlier. With him gone and Garrett running the offense, the Cowboys continued to fire the ball down field, which resulted in a 45-yard clinching touchdown pass from Romo to Sam Hurd. Last year, I have no doubt that the Cowboys would have lost that game.

So much like T.O. has started to do after every game this year, I want to thank God. I want to thank God for reaching down on that beautiful night in Seattle and punching that ball out of Tony Romo’s hands. As the ultimate Cowboys fan, God had had enough of the crap Parcells had run out there during his four years in Dallas.

I’m not sure why it took so long, but this past week I had an epiphany similar to the one Jules had in Pulp Fiction. Like the clip full of bullets that miraculously missed Jules and Vincent, the botched snap was divine intervention. It was a miracle. We couldn’t see it at the time because it stung so badly, but in the end it was the best thing that Cowboy fans could have hoped for.

The Cowboys effectively ruined another team’s season by marching into the Meadowlands and dominating the New York Giants. This win gives the Cowboys what amounts to a 3-game lead (two games plus the tie breaker) in the NFC East with seven to games to go in the season.  Here are the things that jumped out at me the most this week:

1. The Dallas referee bias was out in force in the first half. Every thing the Cowboys did was a personal foul. The worst displays came towards the end of the half when 260-pound Brandon Jacobs crumbled to the ground after Bradie James brushed his shoulder and when Kevin Burnett was flagged for doing nothing more than trash-talking after a good play. The latter led to a last second New York field goal that tied the score at 17. I know some will say the Giants were flagged just as much in the second half, but those were all obvious calls (delay of game, holding, etc.) that anyone could see. It kills me that every single week the Cowboys have to line up against the opposing team and the stupid freaking officials.

2. Patrick Crayton’s touchdown catch in the second quarter might have been one of the top five tds I’ve ever seen. Not because he made a spectacular catch or run on the play, but because he never set foot in the end zone. He walked up to the goal line, set the ball about a foot into the end zone and calmly walked back to the sideline. Crayton brings a certain swagger and bravado to this team. Some may call it cockiness or arrogance, but I don’t care. I love it when he shares his hot sports opinions and I love it even more when he gives the symbolic middle finger to the opposing team.

3. Why did Troy Aikman and Joe Buck find it necessary to harp on the fact that Jason Witten wasn’t having a productive day catching the ball throughout the entire broadcast? The Giants made a special effort to take Witten out of the game after he torched them in week 1 to the tune of six catches for 116 yards and a td. What the bigger story was that by focusing on Witten, the Giants left everyone else open. T.O., Crayton and Hurd combined for 13 catches for 212 yards and three tds. That’s the beauty of the Cowboys’ offense. If you shut down one option, there are plenty of others to take its place.

4. Plaxico Burress week 1 stats: eight catches for 144 yards and three tds. Plaxico Burress week 10 stats: four catches for 24 yards and zero tds. Never a word was mentioned about this during the broadcast.

5. With four more touchdown passes on Sunday, Romo raised his season total to 23, matching Troy Aikman’s single season high in 1992. The Cowboys single season record is 29 by Danny White in 1983. With seven games remaining, I think we can safely say that record will soon belong to Romo.

Look for a future post about the constant references to Bill Parcells…..

Is there anything better than rolling into the “City of Brotherly Shove” and totally dominating the Philadelphia Eagles? On a night when the Eagles had to pull out a victory to save their pitiful excuse for a season, the Cowboys set the tone early by forcing a Donovan McNabb fumble on the first play of the game and never looking back.

What was the best part of the game you ask? Was it the afore mentioned forced fumble? Was it T.O. catching 10 passes for 174 yards and a touchdown? Was it Jason Witten taking an illegal hit to the head, losing his helmet and rumbling 50 yards down the field hatless? Was it five different Cowboys scoring touchdowns? Or was it Romo slinging the rock like Garrett and Britt Reid in a South Philly ghetto?

All those things were great, but nothing was better than seeing the Linc half full late in the third quarter and pretty much completely empty midway through the fourth. I was at the Saints/Cowboys blow out last year at Texas Stadium, and the exodus wasn’t anything like what I saw at the Linc tonight. Simply put, Eagle fans are a f—ing joke.

Though I should be easier on those poor Eagle fans. They have to get up early tomorrow to get to work at their jobs as line cooks at the Waffle House, trash collectors, hookers and as self-righteous fat-ass guidos who talk a good fight but rarely actually put one up.

Start calling for Kevin Kolb Philly fans. You need some reason to keep following this team.