Homers On The Range

Further proof that the gene pool in this country is getting shallower and shallower.

This office values two things I hold near and dear: swearing and beer.

The expression “crazy as a shithouse rat” has always been one of my favorites. Leave it to a Californian to demonstrate its meaning perfectly.

Enjoy.

I’ve always contended that Brett Favre is a cocky, overrated piece of shit. A player not only likely to throw a game losing interception in crunchtime, but also apparently a player so self-absorbed he’s willing to flush away his legacy in Green Bay. It appears that the MSM (main stream media) is starting to come around to my way of thinking. What’s even better is that they’re using Tony Romo as the example of what a quarterback should be. This article made my day.

Read all about it here.

Steve,

I thought you might want to take some time and become more culturally sensitive, so to help, I thought I’d give you some lessons in Chinese that I think will help.

Your Friend,

Jerrod

Greatest Friday Fun of all time?

Guess who’s got a tryout with the Big Tuna and the Fins?  Can anyone believe this? And if you can believe this, are you smokin’ something? Wasn’t this guy just bailed outta jail, eating cheetos on his couch in a dilapadated crack house?

I would not want to be an employee in the public relations office at Greyhound (whose headquarters are in Dallas) today. What’s this world coming to?

This is how you know something is wrong with the markets in this country. Today, Exxon Mobil announced that their second quarter profit amounted to $11.68 billion, the largest quarterly profit ever recorded. However, the value of their stock went down because it didn’t meet analysts’ expectations.

So let me get this straight: most profitable company of all time  = drop in total value of the company. Who are these f’ing analysts and why do their “expectations” get to determine so much? Especially when the outcomes completely defy common sense. Do they just sit in a room and arbitrarily get to decide what various companies have to earn to make them a solid investment for the public? And why do they get to determine how much profit is enough? Isn’t even a small profit a good thing?

My head hurts. I’m gonna go lay down now.

Enjoy…

It was bound to “come out” that there’s now a sex tape between Alex Rodriguez and Madonna…

Just in case you needed any further proof of what a joke the Arizona Cardinals are as a franchise, read this story about how they are having to institute a ticket buying scam in order to try and keep Cowboys fans out of their stadium.

Phoenix should just rename itself Dallas West. The best examples were back in the ’90s when the Cardinals were still in the NFC East. Each year, the Cowboys-Cardinals match up at Sun Devil Stadium could be considered a ninth home game for Dallas. The stadium was nothing but a sea of blue and silver. And really can you blame them? It’s the Cardinals for God’s sake.

I heard the gossip a while back and it’s beginning to gain more and more momentum.  Yes, it is true…what the majority of 30-40 something year olds remember as their favorite action figures is being cast as a full length motion picture.  This could either be really great or really crappy.  Here what the manufacturer of the toy line Hasbro has to say about the making of G.I. Joe…

Somewhere, Roy Williams is thanking the sweet baby Jesus right now.

So, is anyone else out there about to freaking burst from excitement due to the arrival of the new Batman movie. The Dark Knight has already opened to rave reviews and tickets are sold out from coast to coast.

What gets my nerd pants in the biggest frenzy is the fact that someone finally made a Batman movie that shows the truly dark and twisted nature of crime-fighting in Gotham City. For years, Batman has been type-cast as a corny superhero in tights who squares off against zany villains who throw out quirky one-liners.

However, the real ethos of Batman is anything but light-hearted. Batman is a product of murder. Young Bruce Wayne watched as his parents were gunned down. He uses the symbol of the bat not as a bit, but because it strikes terror into the heart of criminals. I always thought Batman movies should border on being considered in the horror genre. Batman should be a scary figure and his enemies should make you wet your pants. I think Heath Ledger’s portrayal as the Joker has finally driven this point home. Can you imagine anything more terrifying than a homicidal maniac in devilish clown make-up coming after you? The Joker isn’t a prankster, like previous movies have tried to convey. He’s the equivalent of Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer with a disgusting grin painted on his face. He’s what nightmares are made of.

My only regret for this movie is that it’s not rated “R.” If it were, it could really get into the nitty-gritty of what life in Gotham City would be like. But even though it’s not rated “R,” The Dark Knight is still geared for an adult audience. I’m hoping to go see it tomorrow with my brother, and if I make it, you can expect a full review shortly thereafter.

You decide.

So the price of oil has fallen $11 per barrel in the last two days. Has anyone else ever noticed that when the price of oil goes up even a couple of bucks that the price of gas jumps up dramatically within a day or so? However, when the price tumbles, the price of gas doesn’t really move at all. If oil jumped up $11 in two days, I guarantee we’d see at least a $0.20 to $0.25 jump in gas prices overnight.

It’s just further proof that “true market forces” are really at play in the commodities market. Excuse me while I go wrangle in a couple of the pigs that keep flying by my office window.

UPDATE: Oil is now down more than $14 over the last three days. I still haven’t seen a single gas station with lower prices.