Homers On The Range

There were both good things and bad things to take away from the Cowboys’ 26-20 overtime victory against the Chiefs, but in the end, all it amounts to is a close win against an extremely bad team. This week’s notes are going to be broken down into the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good:

1. With Kansas City sporting their throwback Dallas Texans uniforms and the Cowboys wearing their expansion duds from 1960, this might have been the greatest uniform pairing in the history of the NFL. Or maybe I’m just partial to anything that ties back to the city of Dallas.

2. Miles Austin. Ten catches, 250 yards and two touchdowns. He broke Bob Hayes’s 43-year-old Cowboy record for receiving yards in a game, and he saved the Cowboys’ season (for now). What a way to make an impact in your first NFL start.

3. Tashard Choice. Eight carries, 92 yards and a touchdown. Choice didn’t see a lot of action, but when he did get on the field, he made a huge impact. His 36-yard touchdown run got the Cowboys right back into this game. However, it was his 24-yard dash in overtime that set the stage for Miles Austin’s coup de grace.

4. Tony Romo was throwing darts yesterday. I didn’t see one errant pass from the guy the entire game. He hit his receivers in stride and fit the ball into tight spaces multiple times. He ended the day with 351 yards (the second highest single game total of his career) and two touchdowns and ZERO interceptions. His numbers might have been even better had it not been for several dropped passes by his receivers. It’s games like this that make last week’s performance against Denver all the more baffling. We know this guy is an accurate quarterback, but for some reason at times, his accuracy just leaves him. Here’s to hoping that it’s back for good.

5. DeMarcus Ware. Two sacks and constant pressure all day. It’s good to have you back, buddy.

6. Jay Ratliff is a freaking beast. That guy has the best motor on the team. His hurdling of the Chiefs offensive line to block that field goal was the most athletic play I’ve seen by a Cowboys’ player in 10 years.

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There’s so much to hate about the Cowboys 17-10 loss to the Broncos today that I don’t even know where to begin my breakdown. In what could easily be described as the most boring Cowboys game in years, Dallas fell to 2-2 on the season. They’re now tied with the Washington Redskins for last place in the NFC East. Glorious.

1. What the hell has happened to Tony Romo? It might be time to officially announce the death of “Gunslinger” Romo and welcome in the era of “Gutless” Romo. It almost appears as if Romo has taken the criticism he received after the Giants debacle and completely turned it around on the fans. He’s now going out of his way to make sure that nothing he does appears risky or careless. That worked fine last week against a terrible Carolina Panther’s team, but it’s not going to work against anyone else. Romo has now gone two consecutive games without a touchdown pass for the first time in his career. He stands in the pocket like a statue for what seems like an eternity. He’s determined to not force a pass to anyone and the result is that he’s getting sacked like crazy. Not that it matters, because even when the receivers do come open, Romo can’t get them the ball. He overthrew everybody today, and almost got Roy Williams killed in the process. This version of Romo reminds me of the stunt Kobe Bryant pulled a few years ago. After receiving unending criticism about his “ballhogging” and constant need to take the important shots late in games, Bryant decided to give the naysayers a taste of what life was like without him involved in crunchtime. Late in close games, Bryant refused to take the big shot. He constantly passed the ball and looked to others to play the role of hero. It quickly became apparent how absurd the criticism of Bryant had been, and he demonstrated it perfectly. If this is your tactic Romo, I beg of you to cut it the fuck out. We realize that you’re not a “bus driver.” Get back to taking chances and making plays. For the love of God, I can’t take much more of this.

2. For the second week in a row, Jason Garrett screwed the pooch with his goalline play-calling. Last week, it was the back-to-back fade routes from the one yard line that had the masses up in arms. This week, it should be the two throws to Sam Hurd that has Cowboys faithful seeing red. When you’re inside the 5-yard line, with the game on the brink, you’d think that two passes to your fourth-string wide receiver who is covered by the best cornerback in pro football wouldn’t be an option. Especially when you have one tight end who is 6′5”, another one who is 6′7” and multiple running backs who can catch the ball. Why does this asshole get paid so much to over think the obvious?

3. Do we have safeties on this team? I haven’t seen one show up yet this season. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve seen Ken Hamlin since 2007. On a side note, how sick did it make you to see Brian Dawkins running roughshod out there, making plays all over the field and getting his team fired up. We could have had that guy. We chose Gerald Sensabaugh instead. Classic.

4. Anthony Spencer is a walking mangina. He does nothing to flush the quarterback towards Demarcus Ware’s side. When he finally did get to the quarterback for the first time ever, he pulled him down by the facemask. However, it was the pass that went through his hands in the second quarter and into the mitts of Knowshon Moreno for a touchdown that was possibly the gayest thing I’ve ever witnessed in a football game. The worst outcome that should have come from that situation was Spencer simply batting the ball down instead of intercepting it. But in true Cowboy form, Spencer found a way to turn the routine into the disastrous.

5. Did the Cowboys leave the running game back in Dallas? After two straight 200+ yard rushing performances, the Cowboys managed a measly 74 yards rushing. They averaged a banal three yards a carry. I understand what a game-changer Felix Jones is, but you should still be able to manage just fine with Marion Barber and Tashard Choice.

Rarely, if ever, does a story appear in The Dallas Morning News that makes me contemplate canceling my subscription. And yes, I receive an actual hard copy of the paper everyday like it’s freaking 1955.

However, today columnist Kevin Sherrington wrote what may be the most ill-conceived stream of mental diarrhea that has ever graced the pages of the DMN.

The title of the aforementioned piece: Dallas Cowboys’ Romo could learn from Broncos’ QB Orton.

You read that correctly. There is a sports pundit in this town that wants Tony Romo to be more like Kyle Orton.

Kyle. Fucking. Orton.

Look, I understand that Romo gets a little careless with the ball from time to time, but if he ever decides to remake his style of play in the image of Kyle Orton, I will be the first person to find Kevin Sherrington and punch him square in the face. Orton is a half-wit, whiskey-guzzling retard who wouldn’t know what a pass over 15 yards looked like if it jumped up and stabbed him in the taint. Orton plays football like old people fuck. Slow, awkward and painful to watch.

Orton has won three games this year against the likes of the Bengals, the Buccaneers and the Browns and your want your perennial all-pro quarterback, who is also one of the highest rated passers in the league since ‘06, to overhaul his approach to the position to be more of a “bus driver?”

Give me a goddamn break. They don’t even let people this stupid run for public office.

Go away, Kevin Sherrington. Please, just go away.

After having monster performances in the Cowboys’ last two games, Felix Jones has once again succumbed to the injury bug that has pestered him for his entire short career. ESPNDallas.com is reporting that Jones will miss Sunday’s game at Denver due to a sprained knee he suffered on a long run in the third quarter of last night’s game against Carolina.

I think at this point it’s fairly obvious what a weapon Jones can be when he’s healthy. However, it looks like we’re never going to see more than three games in a row out of this guy.

This injury combined with Marion Barber’s strained left calf have quickly thinned the ranks of what was the NFL’s deepest backfield.