Only in Philadelphia

November 20, 2009

Piece of evidence #983, 547 that Philadelphia sports fans are fucking morons. Seriously, who tries to fight a professional hockey player?


Friday Fun: The Wedding Crasher

November 20, 2009

What good would weddings be without drunk, stupid bitches?


Sarah Palin’s Effect On The Limp-wristed Media

November 18, 2009

My blogger friend and fellow agitator Trey Garrison hits the nail on the head again. This time his targets are the “opinion geldings in New York and Washington” who have waged a media jihad against Sarah Palin and her family. While I doubt I would support a 2012 presidential run by Palin, I definitely consider myself a fan of hers. She’s gorgeous, smart, family-oriented and she makes pussified liberal whiners squirm in their Armani suits. The thought of Keith Olbermann shaking his fists and stammering incoherently from his wheelchair every time Palin appears on t.v. makes me happy on the inside.


Friday Fun: Risky Business Fail

November 13, 2009

This skit had so much potential, too.


Quite The Shocker…

November 6, 2009

To all my close friends,

I found your Christmas present already. Enjoy.

Love,

Me


Friday Fun: Martial Arts Morons

November 6, 2009

The son of a bitch at the end with the nunchucks is the real treat.


Friday Fun: Soccer Continues To Suck

October 30, 2009

The next time some Euro-wannabe drone is whining to you about how athletic and gifted soccer players are just point him to this video.


Iowa State Wins In Lincoln For First Time Since The Carter Administration…

October 25, 2009

…so forgive them if they’re a little bit excited.


Friday Fun: Taser Chop!

October 23, 2009

Hi Yah!


Friday Fun: Shirtless Bully Gets Pounded

October 16, 2009

It’s a universal rule of fighting that whoever takes their shirt off first deserves to get kicked in the face. This video doesn’t disappoint. Skip ahead to the 1:30 mark for the good stuff.


Anita Dunn Loves Mao Tse-Tung

October 15, 2009

This blog has been light on political commentary for last few months. Hell, it’s been light on all content and I apologize for that. However, here’s a bit of a dandy to get your political pants in a bunch.

This video is of Anita Dunn, the current White House Communications Director, espousing her love of Mao Tse-Tung. That’s right. Mao Tse-Tung. The man responsible for the Communist takeover of China and for the deaths of 70 million of his own people. He killed more people than Stalin, Hitler and Mussolini combined.

This administration doesn’t even try to hide its love of Communism anymore. Look what you goddamn hippies have done to this country.


Week 5 Game Notes: Cowboys vs. Chiefs

October 12, 2009

Cowboys Chiefs FootballThere were both good things and bad things to take away from the Cowboys’ 26-20 overtime victory against the Chiefs, but in the end, all it amounts to is a close win against an extremely bad team. This week’s notes are going to be broken down into the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good:

1. With Kansas City sporting their throwback Dallas Texans uniforms and the Cowboys wearing their expansion duds from 1960, this might have been the greatest uniform pairing in the history of the NFL. Or maybe I’m just partial to anything that ties back to the city of Dallas.

2. Miles Austin. Ten catches, 250 yards and two touchdowns. He broke Bob Hayes’s 43-year-old Cowboy record for receiving yards in a game, and he saved the Cowboys’ season (for now). What a way to make an impact in your first NFL start.

3. Tashard Choice. Eight carries, 92 yards and a touchdown. Choice didn’t see a lot of action, but when he did get on the field, he made a huge impact. His 36-yard touchdown run got the Cowboys right back into this game. However, it was his 24-yard dash in overtime that set the stage for Miles Austin’s coup de grace.

4. Tony Romo was throwing darts yesterday. I didn’t see one errant pass from the guy the entire game. He hit his receivers in stride and fit the ball into tight spaces multiple times. He ended the day with 351 yards (the second highest single game total of his career) and two touchdowns and ZERO interceptions. His numbers might have been even better had it not been for several dropped passes by his receivers. It’s games like this that make last week’s performance against Denver all the more baffling. We know this guy is an accurate quarterback, but for some reason at times, his accuracy just leaves him. Here’s to hoping that it’s back for good.

5. DeMarcus Ware. Two sacks and constant pressure all day. It’s good to have you back, buddy.

6. Jay Ratliff is a freaking beast. That guy has the best motor on the team. His hurdling of the Chiefs offensive line to block that field goal was the most athletic play I’ve seen by a Cowboys’ player in 10 years.

Read the rest of this entry »


Friday Fun: Fat Guy In A Walmart McDonald’s

October 9, 2009

What are some of the common stereotypes about Americans? That we’re fat. We’re vulgar. We love fast food and big box retailers. Is it possible that there’s one video on the internet that combines all of these niceties into one deluge of viral diarrhea?


To The Moon…With Our Money?

October 8, 2009

Why in the world is this happening? And to take it further, can someone give me a legitimate reason why NASA exists in the first place? Are we really gonna live in space or on the moon someday? The only thing the moon would be good for is to house prisoners. Especially since we thought it would be a good idea to shut down Gitmo.

Meanwhile, in other news of wasted money, more banks can’t pay back TARP funds, car dealerships still haven’t received “Cash for Clunkers” money from the government and Barry is still determined to bring Socialism to America.


Cowboys Injury Update

October 7, 2009

Roy Williams said today that he will play with three bruised ribs this weekend against Kansas City. Both Marion Barber (quadriceps) and Andre Gurode (knee) are expected to play as well. Unfortunately for Cowboys fans, Wade Phillips is also expected to coach.


Crabtree Signs A Contract…..Finally

October 7, 2009

Dallas’ own Michael Crabtree has finally agreed to a deal with the San Francisco 49ers, ending his weeks-long hold out that saw him miss all of training camp and the first four games of the season. Apparently, he has agreed to a six-year deal, but the financials of said deal haven’t been disclosed yet. Shortly after the draft, Crabtree had balked at San Francisco’s offer of five years and $20 million with $16 million of that guaranteed. Though he was selected 10th overall in the draft, Crabtree felt like he deserved a contract comparable to those received by the higher picks. To which I say, fuck you Michael Crabtree. May your career be as gay as the city in which you now play.


Ya’ll Say Howdy To Cletis

October 6, 2009

The Cowboys signed a cornerback named Cletis Gordon today. Now if they could find a Malakai and a Bocephus the Wade Phillips-transformation of this team would be complete.


Really? Romo…

October 6, 2009

The story is coming out that Romo didn’t realize what down it was when he threw consecutive passes to Sam Hurd during the Cowboys final drive against the Broncos.

I’ve been a staunch supporter of Romo, but he’s making it increasingly more difficult to defend him…


Homers Is Now On Twitter

October 4, 2009

I stand by my unending hatred for Twitter. It’s shallow, pointless and narcissitic. Which means it’s only fitting that Homers should have a Twitter page. Follow this here blog at http://twitter.com/homerontherange.


Week 4 Game Notes: Cowboys vs. Broncos

October 4, 2009

Cowboys Broncos FootballThere’s so much to hate about the Cowboys 17-10 loss to the Broncos today that I don’t even know where to begin my breakdown. In what could easily be described as the most boring Cowboys game in years, Dallas fell to 2-2 on the season. They’re now tied with the Washington Redskins for last place in the NFC East. Glorious.

1. What the hell has happened to Tony Romo? It might be time to officially announce the death of “Gunslinger” Romo and welcome in the era of “Gutless” Romo. It almost appears as if Romo has taken the criticism he received after the Giants debacle and completely turned it around on the fans. He’s now going out of his way to make sure that nothing he does appears risky or careless. That worked fine last week against a terrible Carolina Panther’s team, but it’s not going to work against anyone else. Romo has now gone two consecutive games without a touchdown pass for the first time in his career. He stands in the pocket like a statue for what seems like an eternity. He’s determined to not force a pass to anyone and the result is that he’s getting sacked like crazy. Not that it matters, because even when the receivers do come open, Romo can’t get them the ball. He overthrew everybody today, and almost got Roy Williams killed in the process. This version of Romo reminds me of the stunt Kobe Bryant pulled a few years ago. After receiving unending criticism about his “ballhogging” and constant need to take the important shots late in games, Bryant decided to give the naysayers a taste of what life was like without him involved in crunchtime. Late in close games, Bryant refused to take the big shot. He constantly passed the ball and looked to others to play the role of hero. It quickly became apparent how absurd the criticism of Bryant had been, and he demonstrated it perfectly. If this is your tactic Romo, I beg of you to cut it the fuck out. We realize that you’re not a “bus driver.” Get back to taking chances and making plays. For the love of God, I can’t take much more of this.

2. For the second week in a row, Jason Garrett screwed the pooch with his goalline play-calling. Last week, it was the back-to-back fade routes from the one yard line that had the masses up in arms. This week, it should be the two throws to Sam Hurd that has Cowboys faithful seeing red. When you’re inside the 5-yard line, with the game on the brink, you’d think that two passes to your fourth-string wide receiver who is covered by the best cornerback in pro football wouldn’t be an option. Especially when you have one tight end who is 6′5”, another one who is 6′7” and multiple running backs who can catch the ball. Why does this asshole get paid so much to over think the obvious?

3. Do we have safeties on this team? I haven’t seen one show up yet this season. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve seen Ken Hamlin since 2007. On a side note, how sick did it make you to see Brian Dawkins running roughshod out there, making plays all over the field and getting his team fired up. We could have had that guy. We chose Gerald Sensabaugh instead. Classic.

4. Anthony Spencer is a walking mangina. He does nothing to flush the quarterback towards Demarcus Ware’s side. When he finally did get to the quarterback for the first time ever, he pulled him down by the facemask. However, it was the pass that went through his hands in the second quarter and into the mitts of Knowshon Moreno for a touchdown that was possibly the gayest thing I’ve ever witnessed in a football game. The worst outcome that should have come from that situation was Spencer simply batting the ball down instead of intercepting it. But in true Cowboy form, Spencer found a way to turn the routine into the disastrous.

5. Did the Cowboys leave the running game back in Dallas? After two straight 200+ yard rushing performances, the Cowboys managed a measly 74 yards rushing. They averaged a banal three yards a carry. I understand what a game-changer Felix Jones is, but you should still be able to manage just fine with Marion Barber and Tashard Choice.